I have to admit: I struggle with this. When I reflect on it, this concept appears to conflict with the idea of "finding reasons, not excuses." When I speak of self-compassion, I don't intend to endorse substandard behavior. Instead, I suggest that we should refrain from being overly harsh on ourselves for things that are beyond our control. For example, I have come to accept that playing in the WNBA is unlikely for me due to factors such as height disparity, lack of hand-eye coordination, and disinterest in the sport. Instead of dwelling on these limitations, I realize that it is more productive to either work on improving myself or acknowledge that certain skills require training and practice.
To me, self-compassion involves acknowledging my current position and evaluating the steps needed to reach my desired goals. Berating ourselves for things we cannot change doesn't solve problems or accomplish tasks. While there are numerous aspects of ourselves that we may lack, it is unproductive to dwell on them. Instead, we should appreciate our unique qualities and focus on what we are capable of. While I may never play professional basketball, it is unlikely that Michael Jordan or LeBron James will invent something that can effectively reduce lawsuits in rehabilitation hospitals.
In the Book “Is This Seat For Me?” Stacey exemplifies the practice of self-compassion by recognizing that she had been pushing herself too hard. She establishes boundaries around her mental health and prioritizes it. She sets aside a dedicated lunchtime where she refuses to be interrupted. Although she allows a single incident to affect her, she recovers and returns even stronger.
In the Book “Is This Seat For Me?” years of struggling with feelings of inadequacy, Ingrid finally accepts herself for who she is. She realizes that she is enough and possesses inherent value just as she is. The validation she receives from others also contributes to her self-worth.
The other contributors to the book also reach a state of self-acceptance. Betsey discovers that her worth at the nonprofit organization is not dependent on being a veteran. She recognizes that her authentic self adds immense value. Similarly, Peter experiences a sense of relief when he becomes open about his lack of experience as a nurse. This allows him to embrace his true self without the burden of pretense.
In her story in the book Roseline faces numerous challenges that lead her to question her self-worth. However, when she realizes that her story is worth sharing and can help others in need, she begins to practice self-compassion. She accepts her fears of failure and moves forward with resilience. Allowing self-compassion into our lives can be difficult, but it is essential as it enables us to seek the necessary help and support to progress.
It is important to know we need help sometimes. Admitting we need help takes a lot of strength.
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