Feeling comfortable in your own skin shouldn't be a constant struggle. I believe that the people who truly accept you for who you are are your true companions—those who understand your humor and sarcasm. Yet, I find myself sometimes tiptoeing around, wishing I could just be myself without reservation. Why do I feel the need to conform to a mold that never quite fit me?
Growing up as the youngest in my family, with a significant age gap, often felt like being an only child. This upbringing shaped me profoundly. I dislike being told what to do or treated as anything less than equal. At 47, I simply want to be respected for my experiences and who I've become. Like Bruce Springsteen states in the song Better Days “ …..But it’s a sad man my friend who’s livin’ in his own skin And can’t stand the company Every fool’s got a reason to feelin’ sorry for himself And turn his heart to stone….” I don’t aspire or plan to turn my heart to stone; but I don’t see myself pretending anymore.
Even though I hold a master's in engineering, served in the army, and authored a book, many still view me as the "little sister." It's puzzling because I've never fit the stereotype of the younger sibling. I'm more independent, akin to an only child. I don't blindly obey orders or conform to assumptions made about me when I was 10 years old.
There's a Yoruba proverb I cherish: "Where you sit when you are old shows where you stood in youth." While I can't foresee my future, I know I won't conform to expectations. I've never adhered to them in the past.
In contrast, my husband, as the oldest male in his family. The disparity is intriguing. I'm fiercely independent and dislike being disregarded. If you don't respond to me, I'll proceed with my plans independently.
I prioritize planning, echoing Benjamin Franklin's wisdom: "By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail." Even if I deviate from the plan, having one provides a solid framework.
It's akin to "judging a book by its cover," a behavior I find senseless yet acknowledge in myself.
I believe in meeting people where they are and judging them based on what I observe. This is especially challenging with family, given our shared history, but I believe it's crucial in that context.
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