I am an engineer and found myself needing to better understand limitations in the Machine Shop before I put a tolerance on a drawing. The machine shop is an environment predominantly occupied by the hum of machinery and the clatter of metal, an unexpected encounter left me navigating a delicate balance between assertiveness and diplomacy. As I focused on my tasks, a guy, situated behind me, drew in an audible breath and remarked, "You smell pretty." In that moment, a rush of thoughts flooded my mind, each competing for attention.
Among the myriad of considerations was the realization that my response needed to tread carefully. I wanted to convey disinterest without revealing any discomfort or labeling the comment as unsettling, potentially indicative of a deeper issue. The notion of fitting into the trunk of a car crossed my mind, emphasizing the importance of ensuring my own safety without unnecessarily escalating the situation.
Balancing my desire to be assertive with the need to avoid causing offense, I chose my words thoughtfully. Opting for honesty, I mentioned my marital status, subtly communicating that any further romantic overtures were unwelcome. Yet, as I navigated this encounter, I couldn't help but wonder about the other person's expectations. How did he envision this interaction unfolding within the context of a professional setting, especially in an environment as technical and demanding as a machine shop?
Reflecting on the incident, I couldn't escape the echoes of past criticisms regarding my demeanor at work. Some had accused me of acting "girly," suggesting that such behavior undermined my credibility as an engineer. Undeterred by these opinions, I steadfastly rejected the notion of conforming to arbitrary stereotypes. My commitment to learning, understanding, and growing professionally led me into the machine shop.
This incident, occurring a decade ago but still vivid in my memory, served as a poignant reminder of the need for vigilance in professional settings. While it didn't deter me entirely from entering the machine shop, it did instill a degree of caution. I remained resolute in my determination to carve out a space for myself in an environment that demanded knowledge and skill.
This person was not my superior and perhaps what he did could have been construed as a complement. It was just odd and the experience was unsettling. In the military we had “Battle Buddies” these people or partners went with you everywhere. If I had had my Battle Buddy with me that morning it would have been a different situation. It has not been available to me to have someone with me since that time, and although it would be nice to have a Battle Buddy it should not be needed.
Looking back I do not know how I avoided feeling like an Imposter. I am aware now that anyone can make you feel like you don’t belong, and making you feel like you don’t belong can even mean making you feel unsafe.
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