I grapple with the challenge of "taking it easy" and avoiding stress, and I've received repeated advice to do so, all because of my health issues, which have significantly impacted my voice and overall well-being. Despite being urged to prioritize rest and minimize stress on numerous occasions, I continually find myself in situations that add stress to my life, making it incredibly challenging to achieve a state of complete relaxation.
My voice has been in an unpredictable state for a full month, and I've battled illness for an even longer duration. This prolonged state of illness has compelled me to cancel important appointments and postpone significant plans, including a long-awaited trip to visit my parents in Arizona. As time progresses, I've started to question whether certain commitments are worth jeopardizing my healing process. I'm evolving in the way I engage with the world, recognizing the paramount importance of my voice and my health, which I must admit I had taken for granted.
The imperative to rest regularly has become an integral part of my daily life. I've come to appreciate the value of thoughtful consideration before taking action, as I can no longer shoulder an overwhelming workload. Pneumonia has further underscored my physical limitations, encompassing aspects like shortness of breath and reduced endurance, motivating me to make the most of the limited time available for various activities.
In this context, the concept of "Self Grace" emerges as indispensable. I constantly grapple with my limitations, particularly those stemming from Hereditary Spastic Paraparesis (HSP), and I frequently need to remind myself not to succumb to feelings of inadequacy. I endeavor to express gratitude for past experiences, such as running marathons and exploring the outdoors through backpacking, while acknowledging that HSP is a hurdle, not a definition of my identity. HSP has indeed offered the humbling lessons that I recognized were necessary, and I believed I had thoroughly absorbed that wisdom.
Pneumonia has introduced me to a fresh set of lessons. It has compelled me to decelerate and contemplate my actions before making decisions or expressing myself, especially when my voice deteriorated. Finding alternative means of communication became a necessity, as clear speech and the use of profanity were no longer viable options. Importantly, I've realized that HSP isn't the sole obstacle preventing me from relying on interpretive dance for self-expression.
During my convalescence, I've turned to books for mental engagement, as I'm not particularly fond of television. This shift has brought about a change in perspective, with a heightened focus on the subject matter and newfound insights. While I'm eager to regain my health and voice, I also aspire to retain this recently acquired perspective.
In my book, "Is This Seat for Me?," where I delve into the concept of "Self Grace," I stand by my assertion that it was not an erroneous emphasis, even though I admit that practicing it remains a challenge. I'd like to emphasize the power of choice in how I interact with my health challenges and maintain a strong belief that through the application of "Self Grace" and an ever-present sense of curiosity, I will continue to learn and evolve through these experiences.
Much like training for a triathlon or a marathon, I see myself as a perpetual work in progress.
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