Navigating Self-Doubt: A Journey Beyond Expectations

I often find myself feeling not good enough in various areas of life, which has had a big impact on how I interact with others and what I want to achieve. I get uncomfortable when I'm not skilled at things that are typically associated with my gender. For example, being around groups of women and babies makes me uneasy. It's not that I dislike babies, but I don't enjoy holding them. I also feel insecure when I'm with groups of women, like I don't belong. This makes me want to avoid these situations to avoid feeling doubtful about myself.

When I step out of my comfort zone and try new things, I start doubting myself. This is common for many people, but I never really thought about it much. Instead, I either put up with these feelings or stay away from situations that trigger them. But life showed me that avoiding challenges isn't always the best option, especially if I want to pursue my goals.

It's interesting that my professional life protected me from certain fears. Working in engineering meant I didn't have to deal with being around women and babies professionally. However, things changed when I left my full-time job in 2019. I had created an innovative medical device controlled by AI and started my own business called Buswell Biomedical. This required me to learn a lot about business and computer engineering.

That first year of running my own business was filled with lessons. Some were eye-opening and helpful, while others were tough to accept. One of the hardest things to realize was that a successful business isn't just about having a great product. Even though I had put a lot of effort into creating my product, the foundation and structure of the business were just as important. This was humbling because it made me realize that I needed to keep learning.

Over the years, I've grown a lot in the business world. I've gained knowledge about both computer engineering and business, but I still don't feel completely comfortable in either area. People noticed my discomfort as I entered this new phase of my life, and they called it "imposter syndrome." While they meant well, I realized that I do have imposter syndrome, but not in the way they thought.

It's strange – I feel confident when discussing technical topics like materials, programming, prices, and sensors. These are areas I'm passionate about and knowledgeable in. On the other hand, when it comes to things like makeup, haircare, and taking care of babies, I feel like I don't belong. This seems opposite to what society expects – that women should be good with babies and not so good in business. But my personal experience doesn't match that stereotype.

Imposter syndrome is a psychological thing where people doubt their accomplishments and worry about being seen as frauds, even when they're actually capable. In simple terms, it's feeling like you're not good enough. People with imposter syndrome often feel like they don't deserve their achievements and are scared of being exposed as fakes. It's like a constant feeling of not measuring up, and it affects different parts of life.

To sum up, my journey has been marked by a struggle between feeling capable and dealing with insecurity. As I've worked to overcome these challenges, I've come to understand imposter syndrome – a feeling that's different for everyone. It reminds me that our inner battles are complex, shaped by our experiences and expectations that might not fit societal norms. Through this journey of discovering more about myself and finding strength, I'm slowly learning to be proud of what I've accomplished and to let go of self-doubt.