Self-doubt is, at its core, a sense that you are “not enough.” In the book "Is this Seat for Me?', I wanted to show how people have overcome that universal feeling. There are many ways we are made to feel we are not enough. There are just as many ways to move past such sentiments. To help the reader accomplish this, the book "Is this Seat for Me?" will offer some personal solutions, as well as some cultural ones.
When I started building my company, I felt like I didn’t know nearly enough about business or computer engineering. I knew I needed to contribute in a meaningful way to that conversation, but I never doubted I could. Society has impressed upon me a need to be able to back up what I say, and it’s impossible to definitively say that this need isn’t influenced by self-doubt. What I do know is that I never wanted to be one of those people who spoke up when they didn’t have any idea what they were talking about. So it was important to gain the knowledge and confidence to speak up intelligently.
People often must pretend to be someone other than who they naturally are. For example, I am not very feminine, but people have certain expectations of me immediately upon meeting me. Just recently, I met someone who assumed I would enjoy shopping, know about child rearing, and have children—and it’s not the first time I’ve encountered such assumptions. This happens in other minority groups as well; people must work hard to live up to expectations, even when that means stepping away from their authentic selves. There are some people who straighten their hair. Some people do not put their names on their resumes—they use initials instead, so businesses won’t make negative assumptions. This type of camouflage shouldn’t be necessary in 2023.
In my experience, women and minorities are often told they need to look and act to certain way to access certain spaces or positions. So once they achieve placement in management or spaces of power, it makes sense that they would feel like imposters. No one has ever told them they belong, and they’ve never been allowed to feel they can act naturally. With those internalized messages, it is incredibly difficult not to feel like a fraud.
When one cannot be genuine and “act natural,” how can they bring their authentic selves to the workplace? If people can’t bring their whole selves into professional spaces, how do they not feel like “imposters?”
When someone works in a field where they are the only person that looks or acts like they do, they must continuously hide their true selves. I have felt this way, and others I have spoken to have as well. And that is a recipe for imposter syndrome. It’s difficult enough just to perform well in the workplace—but some face extra challenges on top of that. They may experience the pressures of feeling like they represent their entire race or sex, like they are responsible for the image of their entire culture—and that is obviously an unfair weight for them to carry. This alone could easily cause symptoms associated with imposter syndrome: anxiety, depression, and burnout.
This is something I have experienced personally. I was enlisted in the Army and attached to a Tanker Battalion. After leaving the Army, I found myself the only woman veteran at the place I worked, and I was asked to speak on behalf of all women in the Army. The places I worked after that expected me to “fit” an outdated mold of what an engineer “looks like.” This is obviously ridiculous. People are people. We are all different, and neatly categorizing us is impossible. We are not a monolith. I can represent myself, my needs, and my perspective. But I am the only person I can speak about with full understanding. Asking me to be a representative of every female soldier was a fool’s errand created by assumptions and prejudice.
It's important that we stop making assumptions and forcing people into boxes just to suit expectations. To solve the problems we face as a society, we need diverse thinking, and diverse people. We will not get diverse thinking if we keep the cultural status quo.
This brings up a part of this discussion about imposter syndrome that is important for everyone to notice. Most people who exhibit behaviors consistent with imposter syndrome are minorities. The fact that this is such a visible demographic tells us that the culture needs to change, not the people. This isn’t just one person’s insecurities; it’s a full campaign to undermine a whole group of people. Self-doubt is real, but it’s made so much worse when others encourage people to “fake it till they make it” to get through the situation. If we are not sure about who we are or what we are doing, it should be safe to admit that. All this advice does is pull the doubt and uncertainty deeper down so it’s harder to get past.
I am not an expert in sociology, but I believe that a good start to changing culture is to change how we define professionalism. It needs to stop being about “looks.” We should set criteria for work accomplishments. In the Army, it didn’t matter what the generator mechanic looked like—what mattered was if they were capable of getting the lights on. I feel this would be good model to follow: a true meritocracy. Reward good work, and let people’s characters dictate how they are perceived at their jobs. This strategy would raise up excellent people and rid workplaces of toxic people with poor work ethic who somehow have maintained privilege and protection in the current system. Connect culture and accountability—it’s the only way society can move forward.
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